new rules

I not only admire Dua Lipa for her recent erotic duet with St. Vincent, but also for her (more hetero) hit song, "New Rules."

As a vegan, I have learned that a structured and rule-based lifestyle, for me, tends to be more freeing than limiting. For example, I don't miss eating non-vegan food, but genuinely enjoy having less options.

So, this is the genius of "New Rules." They are easy guidelines for avoiding a down-slide towards the last (presumably "toxic") ex Tinder match calling your name.

They are, as follows:

1. Don't pick up the phone

2. Don't let him in

3. Don't be his friend

I feel like generally, this would work. It's also a fun and danceable break-up song! But mainly, it got me thinking about the restrictions I had already placed on my lifestyle, and others I had considered.

These lifestyle changes I have not yet adopted are as such because I did not want to miss out on what they prohibit.

For example, for years, I have been wanting to adopt a minimalist wardrobe- most likely one that consists of only a few pieces and is all-black. But I would always think of my breezy sundresses...my lilac coat...my bright red sweater. It didn't seem worth giving up those pleasures.

Another example is sobriety. While I do not drink in excess and only socially, I have often thought of not drinking at all. In fact, my doctor has advised me that since I take Adderall (for ADHD), I should not use any other drugs. However, this change is mainly not because of health concerns, but because I feel very strangely about taking part in social activities that aren't fun sober. I also know a few people who do not drink, and who still have active social lives and are extremely interesting people. I've thought perhaps I only drink to make socializing easier and to please others.

Similar to a minimal wardrobe and sobriety, veganism had perceived drawbacks. Before becoming vegan nearly three years ago, I was worried not only if I would miss cheese, but how people would perceive me- how it would affect me socially. I think veganism has actually been a net positive for me socially, in that living my life as I see fit leads me to meeting like-minded people and enjoying their friendship. So, I have thought, maybe it is time to try out some additional lifestyle changes, in spite of their perceived drawbacks? Maybe I will feel more like myself, dressing simply and not blotting out my social anxiety?

Less permanently, I have also decided to temporarily stop dating and to be celibate. I think this will help me to slow down and focus on my sense of self, which I feel I have lost to others in the past year.

So, these are my tentative New Rules, as follows:

1. Maintained veganism

2. Wearing only black clothing

3. Sobriety

4. No dating or sex

I may even go full Steve Jobs and choose wire-rims for my new glasses prescription.